I cant say "NO" !!

I think its really very important to b assertive .. i think .. i stand alone with my decisions and move ahead even when the whole world has given up..

but .. i cant .. i cant .. i cant always stand with my decisions.. most of the battles i have lost is because i cudnt say no.. coz i bowedto the wishes of people i love..

there r three levels of security settings in operating systems.. i, my group and others...life has some levels like these.. n i think i can b assertive as far as others are conserned. But when it comes to my family.. im not the same nidhi.. i cant say NO to people i love .. i care about.. if my mom wants me to do a certain thing, which i dun wanna do.. i resist for some time.. and then break.. and do what eva she wants me to do. My dad is my biggest weakness.. He has made me do things that no one cud. I wanted to join DAVV.. do the bestest Integrated course from there.. i stood 81st in the country.. and he said NO.. i cried.. yelled.. did all that i cud.. finally He said yes.. and allowed me to join the insti, but call it emotional blackmail or what ever, i bowed down in front of him and here i am. Was never intrested in MPPET.. so took the test for fun.. and now im doing Engineering here in bhopal.. in some sick college.. can u believe.. i was getting IT in better colleges.. but dad made me opt for computer science. Its not that he threatens me or ne thing.. he just says the same thing in different ways.. and that does the trick.. and i just cant say NO. i wonder if im making any sence. but thats what happens in my life. its not the first time that something like this has happened. another incidence?? i was getting admin in banglore, in engineering. Dad said no. i wont send u any where. i wnt u here in bhopal with us for next four years. the college im talking about is one of the best in the country. And i cudnt join it.

A passout of a gud school. Then engineering from a college like this. first year at the college was frustrating. but i was ready to face it. why?? i dunno. but now when i look back at it.. i see that some person has had control over me.. so much that i gave up on some thing i strived for all throughout. i see that i cant say NO to some people. and i am ready to face what ever comes.. for them. Today im almost through with my engineering. yeah.,. i hate my resume.. when it says graduation from xyz college. coz i know there cud havebeen a better name.. a better course ther .. but some thing inside me says .. ITS OK. . !! huh .. if some one other than my parents whould have made me pick up a career that i never liked.. id have killed that person..

LOVE IS A KIND OF WEAKNESS, ISINT IT?

it hurts when i see better resumes and it hurts real bad when i realise that my resume cud have been like theirs..in a way my Father is a weak man.. he wants the people he loves to be with him.. as long as he can.. he wanted me to stay with him .. and may b i gave up.. and agreed to what ever he said coz.. im weak aswell.. just like him.. i love my dad.. he is the man who has made me the person i am today.. id do any thing .. just to see him smile :) .. i wish he reads this some day.. :) ..

newayz.. rachit my brother.. we fight.. and he dosent care for me.. not at all.. he is very self centered and is always conserned about what benifits him.. i cant recollect the last time he helped my coz im his sister.. i mean.. if i want him to bring me a ball pen from the market.. that costs 10 rupees.. i have to give him 20. so that he can have a packet of kurkure.. :/ .. and 75% sisters i have come across with have similar complaints.. hmmm.. but when he asks me to do any thing i dun say NO.. i just cant.. and help him.. coz i love him ..

today i know.. i shud be selfish about my piorities.. but earlier i cudnt say NO to my friends aswell.. even today in 70% cases i cant say no.. :\ ... sometimes it hutrs.. coz u giv ur max.. and the otherside dsnt..

if i find people in problems.. im alwayz there to help.. but i find only a few when i need some.. newayz.. may be because im alwayz there to lend them an ear.. what they havent noticed is .. that i never opened in front of em.. i cant.. i try to speak out things.. but i cant.. so they cant lend me an ear in return.. haha..( i seriously dun know what im talking..) or may be its okie.. to keep things to ones self.. but that makes u thikn a lot.. an thats bad.. :/

newayz.. comming back to the point.. one should be assertive.. i could have been at a better place .. but i chose to bend down infront of my dad.. i chose to obey him.. YOU SHOULDNT FALL IN LOVE.. U SHUD RISE IN LOVE.. for those who have moms who r house wifes.. take a look at them.. before their marriages.. some of them loved painting.. some loved playing guitar.. some loved watching movies.. they had their own intrests.. they had their own hobbies.. they were like us.. but today.. they hve lost their identities .. today u call ur neighbour mrs singh.. as mom of sonam.. as wife of mr singh.. she loves her family .. and even though she has done MSc in mathematics .. she wants to stay home.. so that her kids feel at home.. so that she can guied her kids in a better way.. so that her mother in law has a care taker.. so that her husband gets a hot tea when he gets back home after a day at his office.. .... if tommorrow.. my husband askes me to leave my job.. for what ever reason he chooses.. will i bend and break.. will i give up my identity .. again.. just like my mom did?? bcoz i love him.. and i dont have what it takes to say NO to the people u love .. from the bottom of ur heart..!!.. NOO .. I HAVE TO LEARN TO SAY THAT TWO LETTER WORD..


i still dun know what i wrote..
newayz..
tc.. miss me.. :)
nidhi