This is my 100th post!!!.. newayz.. Im sick of giving exams.. when will engineering end? hmm.. not tht i hate it.. i like it.. kind of like it i mean.. but i want it to end as soon as possible.. wanna see the other side of the wall.. i have network managemt paper on 24th... my prepration .. zlitch.. i hate studin.. i dunno how i reahed 4th year.. i dunno how 7th sem got over ..am a computer engineer.. wel almost..and i still make mistakes while typing.. read on... n ull see.. my typos.. i dun look at the key board while typing.. and see what i do is crapy..so what..who said engg cant make mistakes.. typin mistakes i mean.. what eva it is.. i wanna finish all this n get away.. yup i love my parents .. i lov my friends.. i lov every thing around me.. but i wanna fly away to some distant place.. where no one knows me.. i know its weird.. but thats what i wanna do.. im fed up of this life.. its so monotonus.. same schudle daily.. i fed up of studin .. im fed up of my own ambitions im fed up of my dreams.. i know that sounds as crazy as the rest of the lines of this post... but thats exactly what i feel like.. yup there was a time when i wanted every thing in my life to b stable.. but now i fed up of this stability.. nothing lasts forever.. nothing at all.. so when iknow that nothing is gonna last.. i wanna take the easy way out.. dun wanna get addicted to any damn thing on earth.. so when tht thing leaves me.. it wont hurt.. i have trusted so many people.. and got nothing in return.. not that i expected ne thing from them.. but learnt one thing.. trust hurts.. i have seen a lot.. experienced a lot.. not that i am 96 years old.. but still.. and i tell u.. life isint all that gud.. life isint fair.. but then who said life is supposed to b fair.. so its all fair !.. i wanna detach myself from every damn realtion on earth.. wanna leave ever thing behind.. wanna grow and move ahead. i know i can do that even without leavin the people around me.... but then.. i just WANT to leave em all.. im fed up !!! ok.. i gt bored very easily.. but this is a new development.. ! yesturday.. one of my frnz asked me.. y did he stop calling me.. i told her.. guys do all that they can to get to u.. and when ur thrie frnz.. they dun value u.. basically they dun value ne thing.. most of them dont.. i dunno what made me say that.. but that made her feel fine.. and made me wonder what made me say that.. who cares.. i wanna break free .. n that is all that matters.. !!! i dun like calling and msgin my frnz now.. its like im torn .. worn out.. fed up of callinga nd mailing and msgin them all.. and then i get those calls from them .. yellin at me.. "y din u call up" .. "r u even alive??" .. i dun pick up a few calls coz i just dun wanna tlk.. coz i wanna b alone.. coz i wwanna spend some timw with myself.. Y is man a social animal??? i wanna live alone.. i wanna WALK ALONE.. ! i know i can take care of myself.. i dun need ne one to support me.. i know my parents made me capable of sayin whati just said.. iknow they'll need me in their old days.. may b then even need me now.. but im sittin here.. typin what i want to.. will i b like this always... numb??? newayz.. the point is ill b there 4 my parens ... im nt sure about my brother though.. i mean.. the love that i have for him.. is un-understandable.. i hate him.. he never took care of me.. he has always been so selfish and self centered... but ever time he needs me ..im there.. iknow he nevr gives me support.. and i have cried hours thinkin about that.. but my heart bleeds when i see him cry... i hate him.. i really do.. but my hert aches when he wastes his time on video games..a nd he has his exam tomm.. i hate him.. but it hurts so bad when i see him sad about his result.. do i love him?? newayz the point is.. i love him.. i love my parents.. i love my friends.. i love em all.. but i wanna walk alone.. i take a small tim to get close to ppl.. i dunno how.. but then when they leve me.. it hurts.. i never judge ppl.. i never expect ne thing from ne one.. then y does it hurt?? i dunnoo.. but its ok.. i dunnoo a lot of things,... shi.. just sent me an sms.. she says love is beautiful.. but the best thing in lif is to b free.. and not committen to ne one.. i dun understand what she says..hat eva it is.. its a contradiction... i dunno wht love is.. and something tells me.. if i havent seen loove.. ITS OK ! i havnt seen many things.. i havent seen th great wall of china.. i havent seen a sea coast.. its ok.. my life is beautiful.. i love it the way it is.. what eva it is,,.. her sms was gud.. this post is long... i dunno what i am writing,... i just wanted to pour my heart.. and i wanted to do it .. alone.. so here i am.. but then u all will read it.. ITS OK.. i wanna do a lota things in life.. i wanna see the world.. i want an MBA degree.. from a gud college.. i want to b at peace with what eva i have.. i wanna get a lil slim.. i want a bose speaker.. i want a merc.. wanna laughout so loud .. that ppl all me crazy.. i wanna say what eva i feel like in ne ones face i want.. i really wanna slap some ppl around me.. not just around me.. i wanna kick some bu** .. ne bu** i want .. yup i wnna do that .. i want a new wardrobe.. i want to give my exams but not in ink.. i wanna use pencils in exams aswell.. i dunnoooo. i like writing with em.. i want a room heater right now.. hmmm... i want .. i dunnoooo... i really dont know.. u know?? life sometimes gives u second chance.. but i will not elaborate this ppoint... and dreams do come true... i wanted to be friends with some one.. i even told god that i wnted to b frnz .. and i din evn hav to do a thing.. god did it to me.. but then.. this dosnt happne alwayz.. i tell god to do so many things for me.. he din listen.. and i said its ok... but din stop askin him for more.. .. im nuts.. some ppl thing im cool about every damn thing in life.. it not so.. im not open to all .. and the ones whoknow me.. know im a cry baby.. i wasnt a cray baby.. but last one year. i have been cry baby .. no doubt.. will change.. i want to.. ! im gud at painting.. i love oil paints... i shud have tried there .. leave it .. i wanted to join DAVV.. dad said no.. i said ok.. that was my biggest mistake.. but then last 4 years i got a lil more close to my best frn.. my dad.. so shud i b thankful .. of shud i feel bad??life is a living contradiction.. i have stared accepting the way it comes.. i hate ppl who think the world revolves around them.. i wanna say some bad words and punch em in their face.. give em a blue eye or 2.. but i dun do that.. i have changed a lot.. i avoid arguments ... i dunno y.. but that has made me real kool.. im cool about every thing.. gandhi ji types.. im gonna run thru the crowds.. lik mad.. and make a mark .. ill reach the place where i wanna b .. ill do that.. i know what wnat in life.. and ill get it.. no comproo this time.. im pagal.. they all think i am.. but what they think is justa part of what they dont.. im super mad.. i say things that they dun understand..only the ones who can think can survive a talk with me.. u think i think too much of my self?? to hell with u .. !! u think i giggle and laugh most of the thimes.. think again.. am i laughin on u ?? hmm not don take that personally.. if u cant think.. its ok.. u shuldnt think much.. its nt gud.. but i giggle.. coz i like crackin pjs.. i love PAGAL KAHO.. by KK.. i wanted him to sing his first song in that concert.. but he cudnt hear me.. :/ ... i dun know myself.. and ppl who think they know me.. know a perseon who dsnt know herself.. how stupin can life be?? i have a lotaa sylabus to complete.. il finish it. i know i can.. i know when i go downstairs .. mo will ask me.. if i wanna eat something.. ill say no.. ill go out in the garden and walk for a minute or twon.. ill feel cold.. and come back in.. and then say to my self.. I WANNA WALK ALONE !!!!!
1 comments:
Ur each post has something to tell directly or indirectly i knw u arent here for any lessons teaching but I got few things in this post - optimist or pessimist doesnt bother too much live the way you want infact you have that right, Life always distracting sometimes pain though sometimes smiles never say it will never ===== It seems hope is a good thing to learn .
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